28 January 2010

The one with flashback

Now, someone has asked, on Facebook, ”Why do people write their relationship status as 'IT’S COMPLICATED'?” Well I don't know about others but I think they write so because it involves more than one person (off course other than you). And I have not formed this opinion after watching Himesh’s movie “Radio”. But maybe because its true to a large extent in my case. I don't know how did I came into such a dilemma. It all started with me and Jene. Sometime back from now me and Jene were in a special bond & that was the time when I couldn't have lived a long without talking to her, meeting her & spending the most beautiful time of my life with her. I don't remember how we felled into love for each other. What I vividly remember is she had a nervous breakdown, because she just had a break up with her x-boyfriend. And I helped her a lot to get out of her depression. Rather, she was on the verge of committing a suicide at that time. And it was not because she was breaking with him but because she had suffered a lot in that relationship and wasn't able concentrate on her studies and board exams were approaching. But, thank God, she called me to for the last time (as she told me afterwards). I was taking a bath at that time, and, only I & the almighty God know how I managed to stop her from doing such a foolish act. That was the most stressful day of my life and I was thanking God for choosing me to prevent her from doing the stupid mistake. And that is the most beautiful thing I have ever done. 

When I remember this, I remember I was standing on the terrace at her house waiting for her to come, and, I was confident enough to say she was coming back to home without having any second thoughts of finishing her life. But still I was a little nervous, rather a lot nervous. My whole body was experiencing the heartbeats. I was having a slight fever and the temperature was increasing as the day was reaching its end and evening was about to arrive. Suddenly, I sensed someone’s footsteps on the staircase. I was turning back to look who it was and there she came with a gloomy face, red eyes, she was wearing a blue sleeveless top and blue jeans. She came running and hugged me tightly. She was crying, she was crying a lot and shedding the tears. I hadn't seen anyone crying before, so closely and so intensely. I didn't say a word for a while. Then she tried to look into my eyes but she couldn’t. And she started crying again and hugged me again. After a minute or a half she separated herself and started speaking….”I am sorry…I…” I interrupted her and said to her that she didn't need to explain anything to me at that time. I tried to clean her shaded tears, held her close to me and kissed her into her hairs. I said to her that was OK, and I was there for her support only. I asked her to discuss the things after the dinner and that was after almost 3-4 hours. I made her mind to get fresh and have some cups of coffee and not to talk about the whole drama that has happened. I wasn't interested in letting her tell me the whole thing just then and make her cry again. I wasn't willing to see even a drop of the tears in her eyes. I was happy because she didn't perform any foolish act as she was telling me over the phone. I was happy because she was alive and she was with me. She was resting her head on my thighs and I was gently pressing her head and moving my fingers in her curly hairs. “Thanks…” she said in a very soft crying voice. “ Shuuuu…” I said, ”…you are looking fat in this dress”, I continued and I saw one more drop of tear gusting from her eyes and OMG there was a little dimple too ! “You are stupid…”, she said and she gently pressed my hand against her wet cheeks. And then tears were in my eyes too…She did noticed it and said, “Do I really look fat? I won't wear the sleeveless again”. 

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Read previous part of the story - "Jene": Miss you more
Read next part of the story - "Jene": When I think of you
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21 January 2010

Why not girls first?

...why am I finding life too hard to live with now? From the very first breath of the day to the last one, whether  I am awake or asleep and even in my dreams, I think about her and only her these days. I am afraid, that at any moment she will come and sit next to me and I tell her that I like her, how much and how madly I love her - without letting her settle down or express herself (assuming that she has had a thought of "us" together at least a single time). I am afraid...

...I am afraid of losing her when she is not even mine. I am afraid of her leaving me even though we are not together. I am afraid because I don’t know if this is the right time or not. I don't know why I am thinking about her so much. I just know that I love her...

...Sometimes I think I was better alone, I don't mean I am not single anymore but I am in love with her now and I don't know about her feelings about me. Why did I fall in love with her? Why? But, she must be knowing my feelings about her. I must tell her as soon as possible. But, why do boys need to express their feelings first? Why not 'ladies first' rule here? Aren't girls afraid of losing the boys who love them the most? Why don't they speak up first...

...Suddenly I felt someone gently touching my shoulder. It was Arahana.
"I need to talk to you," she said.


Why not girls first?

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Read previous part of the story - "Arahana": Smiling beauty
Read next part of the story - "Arahana": The first dream
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